Emotions are felt in the grey area.

I am not referring to the once popular shades of grey book that might have come to mind as you read the title. I am referring to the murky, confusing area between black and white where our discomfort lives.

Cognitive behavioral therapy often labels thoughts as black-or-white or dichotomous thinking when they are ascribed in absolute terms.

"I did poorly on this task. I am a failure."

"Jim did not text me this morning, so he does not care for me anymore."

Emotions are laden within these thoughts and the murky, messy grey area that develops between the black and the white. The grey area is riddled with discomfort and can have us reaching for our closest coping tools to rid us of the ick feeling we have as we are wadding through the grey.

We will get more into coping tools and strategies in future posts, but the idea is to help highlight how uncomfortable it is when we do not feel safe in the grey area. To begin to take notice of our discomfort and to identify the emotions we are feeling, to paint a realistic portrait of what is happening in our world filled with grey helps us to move out of the discomfort and confusion.

Discomfort in the grey area can look like:	Comfortable in the grey area can look like:
​Absolute emotions - all happy, all anger	​Seeking to understand what is under the emotion - what is the root of the emotion
Ascribing traits or emotions to another person that are based little on fact - though they can feel like facts, check to see if they are	Perspective taking - understanding the other person's possible motives, realistically
Feelings of a situation or another's reactions and behaviors being outside our control	Acknowledging that we cannot control aspects of this situation, other person's actions, etc. and working on what we can control for ourselves: our emotions, our reactions, how we express ourselves, our boundaries

---

This is by far not an exhaustive list. This is meant to highlight some of the more common issues that can arise when we wad around in the grey. If you would like to explore your own grey area of emotions but want some guidance, counseling is a wonderful way to do just that.